Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
