That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
