i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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