you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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