Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
