Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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