She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
