So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
