Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
