Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
