tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
