Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
