Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
