In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
