Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
