when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All the doctor said was why
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
