Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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