Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
