Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
