cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
