Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
