yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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