I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
