fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
