Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
