dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
