Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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