sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
