So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
