I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
