I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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