I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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