Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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