it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
