He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
