I wanna passion pit in your ass
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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