We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
