I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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