someone threw a dead crab at me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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