My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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