i think my tv is drunk
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
