mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
