we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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