i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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