When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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