And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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