last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize