I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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