I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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