I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
