Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
