dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
